A Journal Of My Sick Sad Life

New Start

Fri, 24 Feb 2006 17:15:31 GMT

Yeah so I have a new Lj. If you want to add feel free. xelectricshockx

Thu, 08 Dec 2005 19:58:28 GMT

I haven't posted in a while. Been really busy and stuff. God damm exams and all that malarky. My life really is me spending time with friends and shit just now. I've started going to Glasgow a lot. Kilmarnock just is too boring nowadays. It's also Christmas in like 17 days. I'm so unorganised. I don't have a single thing. Everything is going crazy. I've also started to doubt one of my friends as being a real friend. Constant phonecalls then bitching about me....whats the fucking point. I dont care if she falls out with me, it would be her fault anyway. Last night Emma n me kept phoning her and leaving messages randomly on her voicemail...twas pretty funny. It was her fault for not turning up at the right place and time. Anyway I SHALL try and post more on here

A Personal Favourite Poem Of Mine

Fri, 18 Nov 2005 23:29:00 GMT

The Raven
by Edgar Allan Poe
First Published in 1845

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
" 'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door;
Only this, and nothing more."

Ah, distinctly I remember, it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow, sorrow for the lost Lenore,.
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore,
Nameless here forevermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me---filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating,
" 'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door,
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door.
This it is, and nothing more."

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
"Sir," said I, "or madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is, I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you." Here I opened wide the door;---
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into the darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word,
Lenore?, This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word,
"Lenore!" Merely this, and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping, something louder than before,
"Surely," said I, "surely, that is something at my window lattice.
Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore.
Let my heart be still a moment, and this mystery explore.
" 'Tis the wind, and nothing more."

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven, of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door.
Perched upon a bust of Pallas, just above my chamber door,
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
"Though thy crest be shorn and shaven thou," I said, "art sure no craven,
Ghastly, grim, and ancient raven, wandering from the nightly shore.
Tell me what the lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore."
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore."

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning, little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door,
Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as "Nevermore."

But the raven, sitting lonely on that placid bust, spoke only
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered; not a feather then he fluttered;
Till I scarcely more than muttered, "Other friends have flown before;
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before."
Then the bird said, "Nevermore."

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
"Doubtless," said I, "what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master, whom unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster, till his songs one burden bore,---
Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore
Of "Never---nevermore."

But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore --
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking "Nevermore."

Thus I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl, whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamplight gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamplight gloating o'er
She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by seraphim whose footfalls tinkled on the tufted floor.
"Wretch," I cried, "thy God hath lent thee -- by these angels he hath
Sent thee respite---respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore!
Quaff, O quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost Lenore!"
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore!"

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil!--prophet still, if bird or devil!
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate, yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted--
On this home by horror haunted--tell me truly, I implore:
Is there--is there balm in Gilead?--tell me--tell me I implore!"
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore."

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil--prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that heaven that bends above us--by that God we both adore--
Tell this soul with sorrow laden, if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden, whom the angels name Lenore---
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden, whom the angels name Lenore?
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore."

"Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!" I shrieked, upstarting--
"Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! -- quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!"
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore."

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming.
And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted---nevermore!

Fri, 11 Nov 2005 19:03:28 GMT

Well I haven't updated this thing in ages. I've been out too much. Erm To start off I had a relationship with someone which was a big mistake (he doesn't get that still). Ermm I like other people etc. I was rather pee'd off when he turned up to taste of chaos..thank god he never hung about with me. Taste of chaos rocked so much. My mum said theres no point in putting the pics in coz the haven't turned out. I will put them in someday when I have my own money etc. Went up to the cathouse met a few people. Other than that I've been studying for exams and drinking loads of alchohol. I also started smoking :p Which is rather bad I will quit soon

Mon, 31 Oct 2005 20:50:29 GMT

Hello all
Happy Halloween to everyone
I luv you all
xx

Sun, 30 Oct 2005 10:21:28 GMT

Hahaha well last night was great. Me Claire n Trisha n Spamuel Jackson went to the cathouse. It was really good. We met some really nice people, who shared make up etc with us. More people came up but didn't get in which was shit. We had a good time though hahah I had fake blood all over my face and arms haha still can't get it of my hands. I got new black baggy cords which I'm still very chuffed with hehe. I met my mum and dad and they gave me more money. I met one of my friends that I talk to on msn haha he's a cool kid. Errrrm Moshed and headbanged a lot hahaha. We tryed on dresses in hellfire haha I didn't suit any of them :p.errm It was great. I'm goin back up next week
haha I luv everyone who was there
xxxxx

<3<3<3<3

Fri, 21 Oct 2005 09:04:03 GMT

Last night was effing great. We went to ice (we actually got into ice). Then we got sold alchomahol which was even better. The bands were all great. I would like to thank Claire n Jamie for being effing great mates to me lol
I luv you guys
x

Mon, 17 Oct 2005 21:21:10 GMT

Well what a shit day I had. There was nothing to do. So I went into town and It sucked baws coz there was hardly anyone in. Erm walked about for a wee while with wee Aimee to pass the time till Linzi n Cher turned up. Walked up and got them then walked about. Then just stood about talking to people. We also burned a barbie :D. I got home about 5 and dyed my hair which turned minging. My hair now feels like straw which is evil. Had toast for dinner <3. Drank loads of orange juice. Also a wee smoothie thing made with carrots, strawberry and apple.Then just sat in my brothers bedroom on here most of the night. Hehe his room is more better than mine

Sun, 16 Oct 2005 17:26:27 GMT

I'm all better now. My friends got me through my day and I love them all
xx

Sun, 16 Oct 2005 09:19:53 GMT

Errm I'm still confussed a little from what happened last night. But errm ir was confussing. Yeah and I swore to him I would keep it to myself. I couldn't really sleep with thinking about it all. It's all kinda scary but errm ok. I had to write an email to him to make me feel a little better. Ha I sound obsessed and half the people on here won't even know what I'm talking about. Anyway I had a lot of fun down the town. Everyone hung about together and I got talking to a few new people, which was nice as they all just go their own seperate ways. Erm we got pictures taken ahahah. My mouth is open wide in mine hahaha. It was described by someone "as if your either trying to smile, or your waiting for a cock to enter it" hahaha. Erm stayed in town till nearly 7 which was good. Then walked out to my gannies. My gannie is ok. She cry alot which is bad. She can laugh so much too. Went home and kinda tidyed my wardrobe out a bit. My mum started talking to me again after the argument today. Listened to finch over and over again because I love letters to you. Went online errm I have a band started which is great. We're called Dead Letter Love. I have a feeling we're going to be ok. Then I went offline and fell asleep but kept waking up all through the night (wasn't too good). I have a sicky feeling in my stomach too which is evil. Buts anywayz everthing else is cool.

Fri, 14 Oct 2005 12:36:19 GMT

hahaahhahaahahah yesterday night me n claire followed han and jabba about town hHAHAAHAHAH then we went to my house it was pretty fun
luv ya claire xx

Fri, 14 Oct 2005 11:51:12 GMT

My mother i an effing skeeze. I fucking hate her guts. I'm not allowed to get new trousers for taste of chaos which means I'll have to go looking like an utter skank. All because a pair of my jeans for ripped a bit because they were too long o waw. Also because i fell him mudd and she can't get the mudd out of my other trousers. Ha ever heard of effin biological washing poweder. Then she starts complaining that I 'll be wanting a guitar for christmas. I replyed by saying I don't want a guitar for christmas, then she said "I can't wait to go up to parents night to see whats hapening at your effing school" all because I didn't want to keep up playing guitar. Well fuck her. Then she come into my room saying I waste my money buying posters hahaha what bloody posters did I buy o let me see 1 effing MCR poster. Then she pours half my wardrobe out on the floor because I said I didn't have any decent clothes I actually like from good shops. Now she's going to phone up my dad and give him this big sop story about how I was being really cheeky to her. Effing lazy bitch that she is. Coz she isn't working but can afford to buy a 50 inch flat tv and all that. Then she goes on to say about how I don't do anything to earn money. Ha try picking up my little brother from school everyday, when I could be in town with my friends etc. I wish she would get back to work and give us all a break the stupid cow that she is

Wed, 12 Oct 2005 20:21:54 GMT

school was shit. The only good part of it was biology hahahaha class. Anywayz I thinks i like someone just now. I kinda got talking to him and last night I sat up till 12:30 talking to him. He's kinda cute and stuff so It's cool. I may be going up to Glasgow to meet him soon which will be cool. Anywayz I'm happy and stuff. 29 days to go till Taste of chaos aw waw rock \m/

Sun, 09 Oct 2005 08:11:08 GMT

hahaha well yesterday was really fun. It all started when I kinda slept in for Glasgow :P. I managed to get there on time...but the train didn't. It was late. So Me Linzi, Dave, Ross and Tricha waited. Then a train came in on the wrong line so we went to that one as the wee men said it was for Glasgow. What we didn't relise is that Claire wasn't on the train like she was supposed to. So we walked about and waited for Claires train to come in. Tricha and me went back to the station to get Claire. Haha and we checked out the effing hot emo boys. I got the Gremlins dvd and a NBC cup hehe. Then towards the end Tricha went and got me a taste of chaos ticket wayhey !!!!!!!!!!!
man I love ya all coz I'm so effing happy
xxxxxxxx
peace

Thu, 06 Oct 2005 16:18:03 GMT

Wahey school sucks donkey cock so much....... On the other hand I was taking over by a evil zombie hippy during the week. The zombie still has me it' doesn't realise what I am typing but I am still inside the zombies body. Offft that was pretty wierd. Mrs Yankosie sucks her own testicles. Hahaha I also got caught by dropping litter hahaah class. I feel sorry for the people going to work at schools and nursing home for their work expierience ahahaha. Wahye I'm just being random so I better got before it gets bad
the zombie is called saffron and she says hi

Mon, 03 Oct 2005 16:30:16 GMT

well the past 2 days have been great. Yesterday i went into town met up with Linzi Claire Jamie and Trish. We walked about for a wee while and Trish and Linzi left. So Claire and Jamie came to my house for a wee while n we sat about played ma bass n aw that. Haha then Claire droped ma eyeshadow (ya bam) that was a joke. Then we went out back into the town walked about a bit till 6 me thinks then we went to the Howard and walked about again. Hehe Claire forgot her ball so her n fingie went back to get it (hehe). I went back into town with Jamie(almost too gay to function) lol only jokin. Then we all went home. I went on msn and bamed Big Gay Stu right up. Hahaha twas piss laugh. Then I went to get ma Gran n her pal Gerty Bucket and we drove home. Me n ma dad also seen a fat slut crossing the road we laughed. Then a went in a bath n went in ma bed

What a buch of cool kids I have as friends

Sun, 02 Oct 2005 09:13:47 GMT

Waw yesterday was bloody great. I went in the town to meet my lovely friends Claire, Trish and Jamie. Hahaha we went into WHSmiths to pass the time to wait on Linzi and Dave (High three best friend). Claire was reading a book and got lost in knowledge which made her shout sperm multiplys.Then we went to poundland and bought cameras, which we took pictures of random things with. Then we met the spice girls (ha what a bunch of wannabes). We also met my good friend Alec Dick (hahaha that name cracks me up). We pondered around and decided we would go to the cinema. So we ditched Linzi and Dave (well they ditched us:'( ). Went to the Howard then onto the town for a wee while. Hahaha Me n Claire went to the toilet so she could sort her eyeliner which I made a mess of (sorry). We then were attacked by the small fat keeper of the bathrooms, which we ran for our lifes. Hahaha after all that we went to my Grannies to tell her to tell me mum n dad to pick me up at 8:30. We made our way to the cinema after that. Haha during the adverts Claire asked me if I wanted to go to the loo. After the loo hahahahaha I tryed to climb up to the back again and fell off a seat hahahahahaha. Then land of the dead came on hahahaha. Claire asked if it was a true story we all just laughed. Then I went home in my daddys car :(. I went back out till 11ish and then made 4 slices of toast (greedy little bitch). Updated my i pod hehehe.

Claire Trish Jamie and Declen hehehe what a great time we had
I luv ya all
xxxx

Tue, 27 Sep 2005 16:55:32 GMT

Hey
I was off school again. It was pretty boring. I sat about on the net on msn and all that shizzel. I'm pretty tired so i'll prob do the same as last night and after dinner i will sleep. I want to go back to school but pfft i can't until i go to the doctors

Scmeh

Mon, 26 Sep 2005 14:30:32 GMT

Smeh. I'm pretty ill. I've been off school today and I think I need to go to the doctors as i think i have tonsilitis. Didn't do much today just sat n spoke to Claire n Trish who are both ill too. I started working properly on my website. Yesterday and Saturday were ok. Went into town with lots o folks jumped about hyper. Went to the howard stuff like that. Killie really is getting boring, theres nothing to do at all.Just now I'm listening to music. It's all good in a way but I am still really ill :(

Waw I actually posted for once

Tue, 20 Sep 2005 17:25:19 GMT

I haven't really wrote anything in a long time. I really can't be bothered. I'm always to tired when i come home from school. It's taking a lot out of me.
So I've just been hanging about with some people...real great people. I understand them and stuff. I'm going to stick with them as they are all class people. I hate losing friends..it sucks, especially when I like them a lot.
I've also being playing bass in the windband, which isn't too bad apart from me making a big mistake by joining it. I've also started playing double bass.
I had a great day on saturday... a few of us went to Glasgow. We went to the museum of modern art which was great. I will be getting pictures from saturday soon once Trish gets the pictures developed. I also went to the pictures on saturday night with Claire and her brother. It was fun, we went to see the 40 year old virgin.
I haven't had too much sleep, I've done a whack of homework and I enjoyed it for once. I'm starting to hate music now. I can't stand it at all. I mean I like listening to music just playing instruments and stuff. :P There I am going on and on about how bad things are going and stuff. I hate when I do that. Pfft it's ghay.
Anyway I always say this but now I'm staying true. I WILL post more often

Fri, 02 Sep 2005 16:21:59 GMT

Well I haven't wrote an entry in a while. I'm just kinda tied down a little. Man so much has been happening. I kinda sucks coz I'm confussed about a lot of things at the moment, I'm finding it hard. Anyway school has been shite. I'm sick of the usual neds and shit. Also the wannabes, god their just getting as bad as the neds. People I know in my class think good charlotte are visting them and stuff. I personally think it's utter shite. Out of school is ok. It's a bit more calm and stuff. Tomorrow i'll probally go into town. I need to see eveyone. Anyway I'm off, sorry it was so short. I plan to post more often
cya
xx

Sat, 27 Aug 2005 07:52:13 GMT

I'm gonna start posting again. Anyway I need some lovely person to come to glasgow with me and well I will pay their train fair as I am mondo rich

Mon, 22 Aug 2005 16:42:01 GMT

how warm could one house possibaly get. I'm bloody roasting

Ring A Ring Of Roses

Sat, 20 Aug 2005 07:35:12 GMT

I'm tired and I want to dance or something.......Any suggestions?????????/

Tue, 16 Aug 2005 10:53:30 GMT

I got all my hair cut yesterday it looks like ashlee simpsons which i didn't want it to look like that. I've kinda made it look better today anyway. I going into town on my last day of freedom. Then I've to meet my mum so we can go look at jackets. It's her birthday today so we have a cake for her which i need to take into town with me. I bought her one of those faceless ornaments for her birthday. I left her card on the onthank bus which was shit. I'm going to my aunts for dinner ~(oh joy)~. It's going to suck a lot too. I now can't get a hold of Linzi she seems to have her phone off :@.